★★★★★ 5
A fitting title for a fantastic healing book
Format: Kindle
Firstly, I was very hesitant to jump on the trend of calling anyone who has mistreated me a narcissist or see myself as a victim of narcissistic abuse. Every time I hear a person casually apply the word to an ex or a family member who mistreated them, I innerly roll my eyes. The narcissist label has been overly used and abused and probably doesn't apply to most people who casually use the word. In fact, I was so dismissive of people generously over using the word, that I dismissed the reality that I was actually a textbook case of an individual who grew up under the abuse and control of a narcissist . This book has helped me identify that reality and helped me begin to heal.
The author, Dr. Ramani Durvasula does an excellent job of making the topic approachable and relatable to victims of different genders, ages and life circumstances who all share the core elements of narcissistic abuse. She shares many stories covering all aspects of abuse, from romantic relationships, employers to family. So, you won't feel left out. But, the best part is, no matter if she's talking about romantic or family narcissistic abuse you will relate to the abuse. The book is well written, never too technical and very engaging. Its an easy and pleasurable read.
A few years ago, I came across another psychologist on Youtube who talked about the signs of a narcissist and even though they applied to my family member, I dismissed the fact that I was abused, until I subsequently came to the conclusion on my own years later after realizing I was being gaslighted and triangulated ALL my life and until this day. I was so confused and thought I could help the situation, until I realized that things weren't going to change after decades of trying and the person actually likes the mind games. This book has confirmed many things I've observed and experienced in my life and thus the title, "it's Not You," is so apropos. Reading the book was like actually having a conversation with a therapist who spoke as though they knew everything about my situation, as if they were reading my mind. This book has helped me fully come out of denial and embrace the reality of not only the narcissistic family member and abuse, but also the propensity I have in attracting narcissistic people into my life. But, this book has left me with a happy ending of awareness of the wound that was left unattended and unhealed, that is now healing. I invite anyone who think they are alone or think are imagining narcissistic abuse and want to have a conversation with themselves through reading the pages of this well written book, to finally put yourself first and allow your truth to speak and heal you. Start freeing yourself by investing and reading this wonderful book.
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Reviewed in the United States on January 30, 2025
